he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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