my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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