I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
