All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
