sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish I could teleport
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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