so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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