Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
