My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
