i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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