i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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