Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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