a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
