I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
