Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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