I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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