Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
