I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
