But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
