Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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