Apparently you make a good broom.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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