Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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