His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
