i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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