Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
