Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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