I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Never joke about your clitoris.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
