He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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