Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
