Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
return my video game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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