the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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