I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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