she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
