why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
