Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
