There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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