drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I could fuck to npr.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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