Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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