i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
