I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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