yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
