I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
