why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
