she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
