I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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