everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
