She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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