Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
