mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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