its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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