11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
